The methods side by side
| Method | What it is | Parent presence | Where it often goes wrong |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bedtime fading | Bedtime shifted to when the child really falls asleep, then gradually moved earlier | Normal | Solves bedtime battles, yet leaves a baby who still needs help falling asleep |
| Pick up, put down | Pick up to soothe when crying, lay down awake, and repeat | High | Overstimulates lots of older babies; wears parents out |
| Chair method | Sit next to the crib and shift further away across several nights | High | Gets stuck at one position; some babies stay awake because you’re there |
| Timed checks (Ferber) | Step out of the room; check in briefly at intervals that grow longer | Brief visits | Some babies ramp up with each check |
| Extinction (cry it out) | Step out of the room; no checks other than planned feeds and safety | None | Plenty of parents can’t stick with it and go in after a long cry |
What does “gentle” actually mean?
Parents mean three separate things by the word, and each points toward different methods:
- The least crying on a single night: bedtime fading first, followed by pick-up-put-down and the chair method.
- The least crying overall: none of them clearly wins. Gradual methods stretch protest across more nights, and no study has demonstrated less crying in total.
- The most time with a parent present: the chair method and pick-up-put-down.
Every method involves some crying. A change in how a baby falls asleep frustrates them, and babies show frustration by crying. Your choices lie in how you respond and in how closely the plan fits your baby, which keeps the protest brief.
Fit is exactly what Actually Sleeping delivers. Instead of choosing a method name from a list, Dr. Sam writes a plan for your baby. We don’t use cry it out or wait it out, and we coach you bootcamp-style before night one.
Gentleness and the research
In a 2016 randomized trial, 43 babies aged 6 to 16 months were assigned to graduated extinction, bedtime fading or a sleep-education control. Time to fall asleep dropped sharply with both methods, but only graduated extinction clearly cut night wakings. Compared with controls, infant cortisol fell by small-to-moderate amounts in both method groups, and 12 months on there were no differences in emotional or behavioral problems or attachment. Nothing in the evidence shows that a quicker method harms a baby or that a slower one protects them. You’ll find the details in what the research says.
The plan matters more than the method’s name
When sleep training stalls, the culprit is rarely the method chosen from this table. More often it’s a bedtime that doesn’t suit the baby, night feeds with no plan, a response that clashes with the baby’s temperament, or adults who respond differently from one another. A gradual approach with a well-timed bedtime beats any approach with a poorly timed one. Much of the crying parents dread stems from those details rather than from the method.
The Actually Sleeping approach
Dr. Sam shapes the plan around your baby’s age, feeding, temperament, current way of falling asleep and your family’s schedule, and tailors the response to the limits you set. Daily 1:1 check-ins adjust the plan as your baby responds, and we coach naps until they are solid. Your custom plan sets how night feeds are handled, based on your baby’s age. We put the outcome in writing: We guarantee that your baby will sleep 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days of consistent, correct implementation of your sleep plan. If it doesn’t happen, you get a full refund. Families who tried other methods before coming to us tell their stories in these video reviews.
Whatever approach you choose, safe sleep still applies: on the back, alone, on a firm, flat, non-inclined surface with no soft bedding. If you can’t decide between methods, book a free consultation and Dr. Sam will tell you which one would suit your baby.
Ready to solve this for your own baby?
With Actually Sleeping you get 1:1 coaching: Dr. Sam writes a sleep plan for your specific baby, we coach you bootcamp-style before the first night, and we check in daily until it is working. We have coached 700+ families, collected 129 video reviews, and put our guarantee in writing: 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days, or a full refund.
Common questions
Does a no-cry sleep training method exist?
No approach can truthfully guarantee zero crying. The least intense crying usually comes with bedtime fading and parent-present methods, and a plan suited to your baby’s schedule and temperament cuts protest even more.
Does gentle sleep training work as well as Ferber?
The single trial comparing them head to head found that bedtime fading and graduated extinction both cut the time to fall asleep, while only graduated extinction clearly reduced night waking. Gentler approaches generally take more nights and need more precise timing.
What is the fastest sleep training method?
Extinction and timed checks usually work faster than gradual methods, at the cost of more crying in the first nights. Actually Sleeping uses neither one and commits to the timeline in writing: 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days of consistent, correct implementation, or a full refund.
Is it okay to mix sleep training methods?
Blending approaches can work if it’s planned for a particular reason. Changing methods partway through a night, or every second night, generally backfires. With an Actually Sleeping plan, Dr. Sam agrees on any changes with you during daily check-ins.
References
- Mindell JA, et al. Behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children. Sleep. 2006.
- Gradisar M, et al. Behavioral Interventions for Infant Sleep Problems: A Randomized Controlled Trial. Pediatrics. 2016.
- HealthyChildren.org (AAP). Safe Sleep: Back is Best, Avoid Soft Bedding, Inclined Surfaces & Bed Sharing. 2022.