How to sleep train a baby: a step-by-step guide

Your pediatrician has the final say on your child’s health. Before you change how your baby sleeps, check growth, night-feed needs and any medical concerns with them.

What sleep training really changes

All babies wake briefly between sleep cycles, many times each night. If a baby falls asleep while being fed, rocked or held, they expect that same help at every one of those wakings. The AAP’s parent site says as much: babies who are held or rocked to sleep may struggle to fall back asleep when they wake overnight. From about 4 months, it recommends putting babies to bed drowsy instead of waiting for them to be asleep. Sleep training is the process of handing over that final step, falling asleep, from you to your baby.

On paper it sounds easy. In real life the sticking points are particular to each baby: the right bedtime for this baby, how night feeds are handled, how this baby reacts when you are in the room, and what to adjust when night 3 looks completely different from night 1.

Actually Sleeping exists to fill that gap. Dr. Sam writes a plan for your baby based on a detailed intake, coaches you bootcamp-style before the first night, checks in with you every day, and continues coaching naps until they are solid. It is neither cry it out nor wait it out.

The stages from beginning to end

Every plan that succeeds passes through the same stages. Babies differ in what happens within each one.

• Readiness. Age, health, growth, night-feed needs and a safe place to sleep. On health, your pediatrician has the final word.
• Foundations. Schedule, routine and room. A baby who is very overtired, or not tired enough, will fight any approach, so a plan begins here rather than with what you do at the crib.
• The response. What you do at bedtime and overnight, picked to suit your baby’s temperament and your own limits, and applied the same way by every adult.
• The first nights. Protest is expected while a baby learns something new. Telling which changes mean progress and which mean the plan needs adjusting is the hardest call to make alone at 2 a.m.
• Naps. Daytime sleep generally trails behind nights and deserves its own focus.

Why one-size-fits-all plans stall

• Templates by age band. Two 6-month-olds may need different bedtimes, different feeds and different responses.
• Combining methods from several sources, or changing course after a rough night.
• Wavering at 2 a.m. Staying firm at bedtime and then giving in later teaches a baby to protest for longer.
• Only fixing bedtime. When a plan changes bedtime but leaves night wakings and naps without a plan, the old habit survives.
• Nobody to adjust it. A written method has no way of telling you which detail to change for your baby on night 4.

Most families who reach Actually Sleeping have already tried things themselves. Typically they got a great deal right and were missing one or two details.

What research has found

In a review of 52 treatment studies carried out for the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, 94% reported that behavioral interventions for bedtime problems and night wakings were effective, and more than 80% of treated children showed clinically significant improvement that held for 3 to 6 months. The methods have strong support. See the named methods side by side in methods compared, and the full body of evidence in what the research says.

Safety first, every single night

Whichever plan you use, your baby sleeps on the back, alone, on a firm, flat, non-inclined surface with no pillows, blankets, soft toys or bedding, as the AAP advises. Before starting any sleep plan, call your pediatrician if your baby snores or gasps during sleep, seems to be in pain, feeds poorly or is not putting on weight.

How Actually Sleeping makes it happen

Dr. Sam personally writes your baby’s plan around age, feeding, temperament, the way your baby currently falls asleep and your family’s schedule. Your custom plan decides how night feeds are handled, based on your baby’s age. You receive bootcamp-style coaching before the first night, 1:1 check-ins every day, and nap coaching until naps are solid. The outcome is guaranteed in writing: We guarantee that your baby will sleep 8–12 hours through the night within 14 days of consistent, correct implementation of your sleep plan. If not, you get a full refund. Over 700 families have been coached this way; watch parents of babies who were fed or rocked to sleep talk about it in these video reviews. Next comes a free consultation, where Dr. Sam reviews your baby’s sleep and explains what the plan would focus on.